Are you with me because you love me, or because you're afraid of me?
by lw11
Summary: Violet, a nurse at the local hospital of Charming is forced into contact with the local MC gang after the death of one of their own. Her life changes forever as she's forced to survive by making decisions she doesn't want, friends she doesn't want and realises the fine line between love and hate.
1. Chapter 1

When she finally awoke, the first few minutes, everything was normal, she was in her own bed, she was already thinking about work, the shopping she needed. Then the pain started. Her head throbbed; the glaring sunshine that peeked through the cracks of her curtains blinded her. As she reached up to press her forehead, the bruises around her wrist distracted her, she placed a finger to the cut on her lip, to the cut on her face wincing as she pressed down.

She pushed the covers from her legs, more bruises, more scratches. Once her feet finally found the cold wooden flooring underneath her the pain got worse, all over. She hobbled to the bathroom, switched on the light, nearly lost her balance when she stared at her reflection. She would have liked to say it looked worse than it felt, but it didn't. Her nose was bent out of shape, her cheeks were marked with cuts, her left eye black, her lips torn up.

Sitting down on the toilet she grabbed a hold of the wall beside her for support, not to keep her up, but to help her overcome what happened. She needed to hold it in, she didn't want it to break her, but she couldn't. The tears started, stinging the cuts, the memories started.

She's walking home, about to cross the road. A figure grabs her from behind; a hand goes over her mouth silencing her scream. She tries to fight back, but she's overcome by a second figure grabbing her legs. Her eyes go black. All she can feel is the humming of a vehicle underneath her. The slamming of some doors. The muffling of voices. Doesn't even know how long it is until it all stops. Until she's taken into warehouse. She notices the bikes at the back, she knows who these people are, she knows their names, their reputation. She knows them by name from headlines in the paper, or when she's assisted in their medical treatment from suspicious wounds at the hospital. Hell, she even went to school with one.

Jax stands before her, he's angry, shouting about the Blacks, about Opie, about her help. It's only then she realises Opie's bloodied body spread over the boot of a car, a Doctor she recognises from the hospital holding onto his leg, his hands dripping with red. Despite everything, despite her fear. Her work comes to the front of her mind. She runs over, takes off her jacket. Holds down onto the wound. She and the Doctor don't have a chance to exchange greetings, instead they start to work. It's his artery, the bullets ripped his artery, he's going to bleed out the Doctors saying over and over again. Looks like he already has. We open the wound, find the source, clamp it, get it under control. The Doctor can't do it, his hands are shaking too much, his gloveless fingers are slipping on the never ending blood. Opie's not breathing, she's started compressions, Doctor holds onto the wound so it doesn't bleed out, it already has. Seconds become minutes, a minute becomes an hour. She's drenched in sweat, her arms are shaking from the constant work, but she's too scared to stop. Slowly, the medical side of her is shutting down. She's starting to realise that Opie is dead, and she didn't save him. His blue eyes are lifeless, his skin has gone the pale colour of death. Starting to realise that she's surrounded by a bunch of guys all armed with guns and knives, all waiting for her and the Doc to save the day, save themselves.

Suddenly everything is quiet, everyone is quiet, they've all switched on. Opie's not going to live, they were too late. The Doctors apologising to Jax, holding his hands up, pleading for his life. I'm pleading for my life by continuing pressing up and down on Opie's chest; she won't dare look at his face, instead she focuses on the knots in his long hair, her mind talks to her. She hears the Doctor pleading for his life. Then everything changes. A gunshot, the Doctor drops to the floor. No no no no. She's crying now, still beating on Opie's chest,

"please please please please."

Chibs grabs her arm, tries to take her away, but she shoves him off, continues, 30 compressions, 2 breaths. 30 compressions, 2 breaths, save Opie, save yourself. Chibs grabs her again, this time around her waist, she's still got fight left in her but she's tired. Jax tells Chibs to put her on the floor, kick behind the knees and she's down. Jax is walking around her now, armed with his pistol. She tries to stand; put a firm hand on her shoulder pushes her back down.

"Stay down." She barely understands the low voice, but again she tries to stand.

"If you're going to kill me, you at least look at me." She chokes out, surprised at herself, how strong she sounds. She turns to face Jax, half kneeling, half standing. "You look at me. You dragged me into this, you look at me… you look at me!" She's shouting, aware that it's echoing throughout the warehouse, aware that now everyone's watching her. She hears a voice chime in, Juice, she'd recogonise that voice anywhere. The tattoos along his head, the knife scars down his arm make him look like a guy not to be messed with, until you hear his voice. It's soft, gentle, it's pleading for her life. _Oh Juice, thank you Juice._

"She didn't do this; she shouldn't get blamed for this. She did more there then the Doctor ever did. She tried to save him, Jax don't do it." It's working, Jax no longer has the gun on her, it's down by his side. Instead he steps towards her, the last thing she remembers is the cold handle smashing against the side of her head.

Well, that's the last thing she wants to remember.

She's made it out from the bathroom; she sits against the wall in her bedroom, her head against the her drawers, her knees pressed up against her chest. She hears him before she sees him; she can't bring herself to move, not out of fear, out of exhaustion. He holds his hands up in a peace offering.

"You're ok. I'm not here to hurt you. You're ok." He says, his Scottish accent making it sound harsher than it is.

"What do you want?" she whispers.

"I brought you home, stayed over. Made sure you didn't choke on your vomit last night."

"Wouldn't it be better for you if I did? You and your gang?"

"Don't be like that." The sadness in his tone surprises her. He lowers himself to the floor slowly, facing her, his legs stretched out in front. She looks him dead on.

"Why did you do it?"

"You shouldn't have tried to run Violet. You shouldn't have run."

She shuts her eyes, buries her hands in her face. She remembers waking up in a small room alone. Remembers reaching for the window, dragging herself out. Remembers running along the wet grass realising she's round the back of the club, realising it's dark now, she could lose everyone in the neighbouring forest. She slips, loses a shoe, but keeps running. She hears the shouting behind her, she remembers tripping over a log, but still running. Then a guy comes out of nowhere, his fist connects with her nose at such an impact she landed onto her back, blood splattering all over her face. The rest catch up with her, Jax, Chibs. That's when she starts getting kicked over and over again. The occasional punch. She doesn't even feel it; she's too busy spitting leaves from her mouth. She doesn't remember when, but it stops.

She's that beaten up, nothing makes sense anymore. She's back in a little room. Jaxs sitting over her, one of her arms stretched out. She hears herself pleading with Jax not to do it. He's telling her, if she ever talks, they will destroy her reputation. He's telling her, if she hadn't ran they would have left her that this was her own fault.

She feels the prick of a needle go into her arm, feels a sudden sensation of calm over her. Her thoughts begin to muddle. Her vision clouds over, she doesn't feel pain anymore, she feels content. She hears Chibs, has a giggle at his accent.

"You know I'll do anything for you Jackie," he's saying as she rolls onto her front, looking around taking in her surroundings, confused why a cameras in front of the bed. "I'd die for you lad, but I can't do this. I can't."

"Fine. Leave it to me." Chibs is staring at her, she tries to reach out for him but he leaves before she can touch him. Jax's fiddling with the camera; he turns to face her, slowly taking his top off.

"I'm going to be sick." She's back to the present, she didn't want to remember, but she remembers, she's vomiting into the bin that Chibs has passed her. She's screaming, clawing at herself. "What has he done to me? What has he done?" He takes her up into his arms, places her into the shower fully clothed, running the water over her face, through her hair. She's still crying when he pats her down with a towel and placing her into bed. She falls asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure you want to be here Violet? It's only been a week since the attack." _I need to be here, if I'm not here, people at work will know something is wrong, they'll start asking questions._ Violet nods at her colleague Sarah, shutting her locker before pushing her long black hair from her face and smiles.

"Honestly, it's worse than it looks. I'm fine; I just want to get back to normal." The bruises are slowly going down, the cuts are turning to scabs, the sooner they go, the sooner they'll stop being a reminder. She'll wait to put her scrubs on once her friends left, she didn't want her to see the extent of wounds she had all over her body. _Not just outside, inside too._

"It's a shame you didn't see the guys who did it, what did the police say?"

"Well they couldn't do much, not their fault. But like I said I'm fine. Thank you for your concern though."

"You look terrible, the bastards. They'll never ruin those beautiful brown eyes of yours though!" The colleague gave a sympathetic smile leaving the room. Quickly, Violet pulled her scrubs on over her olive legs, wincing in pain from the aches. She left the locker room and headed towards the ward where she was based. A small ward she had worked for a few years now which specialised in Cardio, it was her dream to work here. Ever since the death of both her parents and a distance sister she never heard from, she always considered her work mates her family. This job was all she had. They can't take this away from her.

Her shift passed by so quickly, she didn't even have time to think about the incident from the previous week. She didn't have time to think at all. It wasn't until she was sat in her car, key in the ignition, did the broken memories come back to her. She was exhausted. Exhausted with pain, exhausted with fear, exhausted with the whole "I'm ok" act. _Smile and no one will notice. _The flicker of the street lights startles her from her thoughts. The flick of her keys and she's moving.

It doesn't take her long to pull up herself her house. Doesn't take her long to see the motorcycle parked on her pity excuse of a lawn. Her heart jumps into her throat, she's overcome with dizziness, the feel of vomit at the back of her throat. He's seen her, before she has seen him and when she does, their eyes meet for only a second before she lowers her own to the floor. She grips the bonnet of her car for support, ignoring the heat that remains from the engine. _He can't hurt you, he won't hurt you. Look around, there's neighbours putting trash in their garbage cans, parents returning home from work, kids hurrying to meet friends, he can't you, he's Juice._

It take's every bit of her to step onto the path leading to her door. She reaches the front door, ignoring him as he stands up, she can feel his eyes on her, but she concentrates on her escape. Put the key in the keyhole, open the door and lock it behind you, you've done this a million times Violet, you can do it again. She can hear his sigh over the heart beating in her ears. Her hands are shaking, it's taking longer than she expected. So she speaks, distracts him, without looking at him.

"What are you doing here?" Why does she sound so strong? Why does she sound not like herself? Who is this?

"Come to see you're alright." His voice. That voice.

"Really?" She can't help but sound sarcastic.

"Jax wants us to check on you weekly. Left it with me to do." She sees him turn away, almost embarrassed. Just his name brings up anger that almost scares her. She turns to face him, looks him dead on and says every word slowly and clearly.

"You and Jax can fuck off or I'll call the police." Her doors open, she steps inside, drops her bag down and holds her stare.

"You know you can't do that and you won't do that."

"There is nothing you can't do to me that you haven't done already."

"I saved your life."

"I wish you hadn't." Again her words come out slow and clear, like explaining something to a child. He winces as soon as the words stop. It surprises her. For a second, only a second, she sees the Juice she once knew.

"You don't mean that." He replies, leaning one arm against her door frame. Either he's doesn't know, or he's a good actor. After a minutes silence, Violet shakes her head in disbelief.

"Jesus, you don't know do you?"

"Know what?" His eyebrow raises in question, the black tattoos wrinkle up across his head.

"Nothing. Just forget it." Her voice comes out a whisper. He lingers, deciding whether or not to pursue her. He chooses not to, and she's thankful.

"Jax wants to know what the police said." _So that's why he's here._

"They said nothing."

"Must have said something." He looks her up and down.

"I didn't give them anything to go on by. Therefore, they had nothing to say."

"We've got cover even if they did." He looks away as he says it; she shakes her head once again, her lip coiling up in disgust.

"Jesus. What happened to you Juice?" He's taken back, his voice gets defensive.

"Nothing." He shrugs, " I'm still me."

"You're a dick. A dick on my door step, now leave me alone." She shuts the door, but stays with her back against the door long enough to hear him tell her, "Alright… but I'll see you next week."

And he was. He came the second week. Sat on the concrete step, his MC vest hung over his knee, protected by his fists. He wouldn't say anything unless spoken too. He didn't ask questions he needed too. Even when she shut the door on him, closed the blinds, he remained there. It wasn't until she switched the lights off would he leave. The fourth week she deliberately went shopping, went for a coffee she didn't even want. It was past midnight before she got home. But there he was. He'd tell her goodnight. At first, he was a nuisance. He was here to do a job. Now though, she knew if he wasn't waiting for her, a tiny part of her would be disappointed. She tried to shake it off, tried to remind herself of that night each week yet she almost needed him as much as he needed her.

By the sixth week, it was October, the rain had started. It took her longer than usual to get home that night; her old car couldn't handle anything but a bit of sunshine. As she pulled up in front of her path, her coat over her head, she could see him. The rain fell from his Mohawk, drizzling down his face. She tried not to look at him when she passed, she could hear the chattering of his teeth, the shaking of his knees. He was tensed, as though trying to hide it.

She shut the door behind her, set the chain, throwing her coat onto the sofa. She set the kettle in her small kitchen. Placed a cup on the cream counter. Her fingers tapped against her thigh anxiously. _Remember what happened that night, remember what they did to you. _Fuck it. She wasn't like them. They won't let them do that to her.

She opened the door, he turned his head, his eyebrows raised in expression. She said nothing, just opened her door wider. Despite the rain, the dark, she could see the surprise on his face. Followed by the relief.

"Thank you." He said quietly as he passed her. Five minutes later, they were sat at her round kitchen table, their hands wrapped around a mug of coffee, embracing the warmth. They didn't exchange words, only the occasionally glance. When their eyes met, they would look away.

She noticed though, it wasn't awkward. The silence between them was a comfortable one. A silence shared by a couple who had been together for so long, had been in love for so long, that they didn't feel the need to use every second talking. Instead they had each other's company. And that was enough.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Hello." Violet lets out a startled scream and looks in front of her. Juice is sitting there, a pleasant smile on his face. A smile she recognised, but hadn't seen in a long time. "Sorry, I did not mean to startle you." His smile stays fixed as his hands rest gently on the table.

She gets a better look at him now. His tanned skin was darker than she remembered, probably all the sunshine from the quickly fading summer. She's surprised however, by the tint of red that appears in his high cheek bones. His small eyes though black, held the most obvious emotion of sadness, even with the smile that sits pleasantly on his small rosy lips. His short brunette hair down the middle of his head **is** scrapped back, dampened by the rain in a style which she cannot decide was deliberate or accidental. She lowers her eyes to the table, watching his large hands as they settle gently.

"Are you ok?" He asks, his eyebrows raise, his forehead creases with tiny lines. As she looks up, she wonders whether he's looking at her in the same way, trying to recall memories from the past, does she look much older now? Had she changed? It suddenly makes her self-conscious.

"I'm ok, thank you." She mutters quietly, i**nterest** keeping me in place. "Did you follow me here? Like, when did you even get here? Are you just checking up on me? I've kept my lips shut..." She lets the sentence drift off before rolling her eyes in a childish fashion.

"Do you think I am here, in this café because I want to check up on you? It's not even Wednesday." It's the first she realises that, it's not his usual day; she slips her hands underneath the table. He stays silent for a few minutes, as though waiting for her to say something.

"I am Juice." He says finally, offering me his large hand. Her head tilts in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"Juice, my name is Juice, I apologise, I didn't introduce myself sooner." She notices the waitress Becca, whose name she only knows due to her being a regular, staring at them from behind the counter, waiting for her reaction.

"I know your name. I know you."

"I want to start again. I want to meet you again for the first time. Please?"

His hand waits for her own, so she takes it. Before he can get a grip, she takes her hand away quickly, hiding it under the table again. He stands up suddenly, wiping his hands on his dark jeans, then moves beside me, taking a seat. She's surprised at how small he is, standing at 5"5 she was not so tall herself, but she guessed he must have been only a few inches taller, another thing she hadn't realised. As he sits down beside her she just stares at him, dumbfounded, noticing that he's so close, his knee is nearly touching her own.

"Is there anything good at this place?" He asks, his chuckle is childlike, and pains her to say, incredibly cute. While he stares at a café menu she still doesn't reply. She cannot get over how close he is. He puts the menu down, and turns his body to face her. "I apologise. I haven't done this for a while," he pauses, then adds, "Tried to impress girls. I haven't done it for a while."

"Why not?" Her response, she sees, knocks him off guard, he starts fidgeting with the menu, drops it down in front of him. She doesn't think he realises she's genuinely interested in knowing. For a second, she's sure that the startling red in his cheeks flares even more. It makes her want to smile.

"I don't really know," he answers, after a while, with a pause as though that is not all. "I think" he continues unexpectedly, "Because of what I'm a part of. Because of the MC. People fear us; they don't talk to us much."

"The way you go on, you've not given them much choice." He bites down on his lip at her answer, raises his hands up as to say fair enough.

"Are you scared?" He asks his face more serious.

"A little, I don't do this much either, talk to boys I mean, men." She notices the corner of his mouth twitch. She leans backwards against the booth, relaxing for the first time since he joined her side. As they sit beside each other, that same silence from the other night returns. After a few minutes, she says,

"The muffins are good." tapping the menu with her finger. He quickly clicks his finger to Becca, indicating an order ready, she says it softly, but with genuine emotion. "I am Violet. Nice to meet you Juice. "

She was regretting her decision already. She didn't want to see the motorcycle club, but she couldn't avoid them forever. She kept reminding herself the event was for charity, raising fund for sick kids at her hospital. If Juice hadn't asked her to go, she would have expected to have been there anyway. The whole of Charming was expected to be here. That's the only thing that gave her comfort. She would be surrounded by crowds of people. She had made it clear to Juice she didn't want to be near his friends, he understood. Said as long as he gets to see her, he doesn't mind. She was fixing the last gold earring that stood out from her silk black dress that hung tightly over her shoulders when she heard the door going. Fiddling with the waves through her hair, she unlocked the chain and pulled open the door,

"You're lat-" She stopped mid-sentence, staring not at Juice, but at Chibs. He looked her up and down and cleared his throat.

"You look beautiful." She closed the door a little as though it was protecting her, of course, it's Wednesday, but why would they send him?

"Thanks." She mutters, "What are you doing here? Surely you can check up on me at the event?" Confusion gathers across his face, making his scars appear uglier than they were.

"Check up on you? I'm not here to check up on you. I was passing on the way to the event. Wanted to see how you were."

"I'm great." Her response comes out harsher then she intended. "I'm fine, thank you." She recovers quickly, it wasn't him. _But he didn't stop it. But no one did._ She clenches her eyes shut, trying to block out the thoughts, opens them again and smiles her best smile. "It's good to see you going to the event, means a lot to the children and their parents."

"Anything to help lass. I'll see you there anyway." He goes to walk down her path, stops for a second and turns back to her. "Why would you think I'm checking up on you?"

"Isn't that what Jax wants?" _Just his name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth._

"Nah. He knows you're not stupid." With that he leaves.

Juice pulls up a just as she's stuffing her bag with makeup she probably wouldn't even use. He acts like a gentleman, complimenting her, opening the car door for her. Even gives her a little white rose to put in her hair. She doesn't mention anything about Chibs visit. Instead, when they arrive at the large hall of Charming, red lights casting dimly over the dance floor and tables, she slips her arm in with his, gripping him gently and smiles at him.

Thankfully, the initial surprise of them together settles down after another couple arrive behind them. Together they spent the next few hours talking to work friends, families, patients. Violet introduces him to her personal friends. Juice keeps his promise and keeps her away from the MC. Though Chibs tilts a beer towards them in greetings. Juice returns it, casting a concerned glance at her.

"Go talk to them. I'll meet you in an hour?" He smiles like a child whose just been told he can play with his friends, then heads over to the back corner where they all sit. As he reaches them, she watches Chibs patting him on the back, making a job she doesn't hear, but she hears Juices laugh, a laugh that sounds like a stunning melody to her ears over the music. It's Sarah, who's joined her side that makes her aware of the smile that won't leave her.

When the events over, he meets up with her, politely says goodbye to her friends, promising he'll return her home safely. Instead, he took her to his place, she didn't get invited in to the small house, instead she waited in his garage for him. He apologised, saying it was a mess and she believed him. She didn't take him for the sort of guy to do his weekly polishing. He stood in front of her, placing a helmet over her head, fixing the strap for her. Both of them were mutually aware of the closeness, but they didn't acknowledge it. He fixed his own helmet, and then she climbed onto the back of motorcycle, clinging on to him for dear life. Another decision she was regretting already.

As he left the neighbourhood and headed towards the highways, he picked up speed. She held onto him tightly, she arms pressed around his waist, her sideways head against his back. Every time she tried to look up, a cold wind slapped her in the face, leaving her unable to breathe, making her grip on him tighter.

When he turned off the highway onto a small beaten down path, she felt herself getting nervous, until she seen up ahead, where he was taking her. She said nothing, stepping off the bike as it came to a standstill under a flickering street light. She just looked out at the view.

The whole of Charming's was in front of her. She could hear the beeping of horns, the engines of cars as the town went on living through the night, letting everyone know a little darkness doesn't take its life away. The stars glistened, reflecting down making the place look ironically innocent.

She snapped off her helmet, smiling, turning to see Juice, who was fiddling with his phone.

"This is so beautiful. Do you come here often?" He glances up, returning her smile.

"Every now and again. It's relaxing." A tune she recognises starts playing from his phone. "Don't take that the wrong wear; I fight off bears and everything here." The smirk Violets starting to enjoy more than she care to realise spreads across his face as he steps back and flexes both of his arms. "Do you ever take life seriously?" She asks, as he takes the helmet from her hand, hanging it over his bike.

"Nope." He starts moving his hips side to side, the music from his phone now louder, despite him placing it in his trouser pocket. She stifles a laugh, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What are you doing?"

"Dancing."

"That's dancing?"

"Of course! You should try it sometime!"

"I'm not dancing, that's silly. I don't feel like dancing. What if someone sees us?"

_Give it to me one time!_ He raises is hands, shakes his hip in time with the music. _Give it to me two times!_ He shakes his hips again and now Violet finds she couldn't stop smiling even if she wanted.

"Stop it."

"Nope."

"Juice!" _Give it to me four times!_ He shakes his hips again and starts jumping about the place, doing what she assumes he thinks is dancing. _54-46 was my number, well right now, someone else has that number._

"Come on, join me." He doesn't look at her as he continues to hop around. He sees her hesitating, which she is. She doesn't want to make myself a fool in front of him. "Violet, join me. Trust me. Come on!"

She starts mirroring his moves, letting herself go for the first time in so long. _Oh, work could not control me now._ For the first time in weeks, she doesn't feel worry. She feels content. _Oh, no bars could not hold me now._ Juice grabs her hand as they near each other, dancing so ridiculously. He starts swaying her from side to side. _They hold I down and they lock-a you way._ There's no dancing rhythm in their steps, _we're going against all the rules of what dancing should be,_ she's thinking to herself, but that's what makes it so great. Breaking the rules of dancing sets they free from the barricades of daily lives, the different paths in life they have. _They try to keep I for a year and a day. But through the powers of the Most High God Got to turn me lose, I say_. They let go of each other, jumping around the dusty floor. They don't stop jumping until the full songs pass before collapsing into fits of giggles, trying to catch their breaths.

"One more come on!" Juice shouts, messing around with his phone again, looking for another song.

"No!" Violet says, "I'm so tired! I'll just watch you!"

"I can't do that, sorry Miss V!" He grabs picking her up into his arms, together they swing around in a circle, she's laughing so much she's still finding it hard to catch her breath. Once he sits her down on the edge of his bike she pulls him closer to her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He picks me up again, without any effort, holding her legs tightly. Her arms rest around the back of his neck, she leaned her chin down onto his shoulder, the next song playing was a slow beat. He starts whispering along to the words into my ears softly. She wishes she could forget everything, forget how they came together, forget the lives they have, and she wished she could stay in this moment forever.

(Just wanted to say a quick thanks for the reviews and follows, it's my first time doing this so it means a lot. Any feedback pointing out mistakes or opinions are appreciated. I have so much I want to happen yet, so I'm hoping to continue updating on a weekly basis! Again thanks.)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Her head was in the toilet again, she knew something wasn't right, she was never sick, she never had time off work, but these past few days, the toilet had been her best friend. She thought of everything, what she ate, bugs that got passed around, what she drank, she knew she was lying to herself though. This was a different kind of sickness. A sickness she had seen in her sister before she had disappeared the first time.

In her medical cupboard, she kept everything, she was a nurse. It took everything for her to go in and get what she needed. Took even more too actually do it. She sat at her kitchen table, the test out in front of her. Her mind was racing. She read the results, didn't believe them. Read them again. She knew the result was right, it was her fourth one. She knew she was kidding to herself about what it said. But it scared her. Of course it scared her. She couldn't get rid of it, she didn't believe in that; it would change everything for her. How would she even support herself?

What scared her the most was whether it would be evil, like its father. What if he found out? She couldn't stay with Juice. Not now. She had to leave. He didn't even know what happened that night didn't even know what his beloved Jax had done. She couldn't stay here. She has to go now.

_Shit._

She poured the bottle of wine she had opened the previous night down the sink along with the pregnancy test.

"What's changed?" it was the next morning. Juice had come around. She had made him a coffee, kissed him on the cheek, kept her distance from him. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. Instead she just told him it wasn't working out. She hasn't happy.

_What's changed? Everything has._

"Nothing has changed."

"Well something obviously has."

"I'm just saying Juice; I've not been with anyone for a long time for a reason. I don't think I want this commitment."

"Fuck, are you dumping me? Already?"

"No, of course not. Just hear me out." She places a hand to her forehead, this was harder than she imagined, he wasn't supposed to be fighting for her. "I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"What about the other night, what about the times I've stayed? The time we've spent together? Was it all a big act?"

"No. I just don't believe you know me that well. I think this is going to quick, I mean, the other night, it was just playful flirting." The hurt on his face is cutting through her, but she's got to do this. "I'm just looking for something different to a typical relationship. I'm not very committed to anything and I think the way things are going, you're going to expect too much from me. I still want to see you…"

"So that's it? I can still see you, but I can't expect anything from you? Are you ever going to be committed?"

"I'm not that type of girl. This isn't the right time in my life."

"So say I keep coming round, I keep coming to see you, how can I be sure by the end of the week, you won't be bored of me? Or that you won't change your mind about this?"

"Well that's what I'm trying to say when I say you don't really know me Juice. I don't want you to expect that the person you've been with these past few weeks is me I can be very different. I am different."

"What, the person I spoke to you, it wasn't you?"

"Of course it was, but it's part of me, what I don't want is that we rush into this and then suddenly we clash or we fall out, which I find likely because it happens with everyone I come into contact with. My family, my friends. Why do you think I'm alone?"

"But then why should I have to risk waking up every morning, coming to see you every day, getting close to you, knowing you could just up and leave one day."

"I won't do that Juice; I won't just be like 'oh hey fuck him.' I'm not that messed up."

"But there's a chance you could just fuck off right? That you will just leave, or refuse to see me?"

"I want to say no, but I can't."

"Fuck!" He slams his fist off the kitchen bench, grabs a glass close to him and shatters it off the wall. She flinches back, edging towards the back door. "Why would you do that Violet?"

"Because, I don't know my head is fucking messed. I'm fucked up." It's the first true words she's spoken this morning.

"So I have to sit around trying to get to know you, fall in love with you, then wait till you fuck off?"

"I don't think it's going to be that way, I'm just saying from experience, don't expect it not too. Plus,

I'm not asking you to come around, I'm not asking to you make a commitment, just do what you want." She throws her hands to her side, indicating the direction of the door. He ignores the door and instead steps right up to her. He leans his forehead against her own, his voice is angry, but his eyes sad.

"Oh so it's my fault? What do you even want from me? Seriously?"

"I don't know." Her voice is a whisper; she can't stand him this close. She can't do this anymore. She pushes him away heading for the kitchen again, her back stays towards him. He follows after her.

"You can't talk and behave the way you have these past few weeks then say you might fuck off that's not fair." She spins around, feeling tears on her face now. For the first time, her voice raises,

"I was expecting it to slow down! Why are you reacting like this? It's not like we've been together a long time! It's not like we were in love! I'm just trying to be open with you about the fact I'm not happy about this anymore."

"Now, you're being open with me? Few weeks too fucking late. And yeah, maybe the word love gets chucked around too much, doesn't mean anything to cold heart bitches like you. But Violet. In time, I would have loved you; I would have loved you forever."

"That's not fucking fair! You remember why we got talking again." It's his time to look guilty. "You fucking remember! Get out!" it was a low blow, but she had to do it. She had to make him leave, and he did. He slammed the door behind him without a word. It wasn't until the sound of his bike faded did she take a seat at the kitchen table and let go of her composition. She had never cried as much since that night.

She had already had to change into scrubs after vomiting down her uniform, but she was determined to see her first day back out. She couldn't afford to stay off from work, not now not while she's planning to leave. Another trip to the toilets had her leaning against the wall outside her ward. She was trying to hide it, knew they would send her home if they saw anything. She seen Chibs sitting on one of the chairs before he seen her.

"What are you doing here?" She asks him, exhausted.

"I think we need to talk about Juice lass."

"We need to talk about nothing."

"You're not looking well. Why don't I take you home?" She shakes her head, starts walking for the doors.

"They know I'm taking you home, I told them you were ill. Got your stuff here." He holds up her jacket and bag. "Your friend Sarah got it out the locker for me said she hopes you get better soon." She followed him out, she didn't want to fight, nor could she. She didn't like the way he mentioned Sarah's name, and didn't want him to see anything was wrong either. She even let him drive, she didn't trust herself. Not the way she was feeling. Once they arrived back at her house did he speak to her again. Removing his sunglasses, he placed them on the small table beside the sofa, turning to face her as she sat awkwardly in her arm chair.

"You look like shit." His Scottish accent made it sound harsher than she think he wanted it too. She still replied quietly, flicking a los strand of hair behind her ear,

"Thank you." It was only when she looked away towards the kitchen, she realised someone had been there. Papers had been misplaced. The shattered glass she had refused to clean up was gone. And the pregnant test she knew she had thrown away was sitting on the kitchen bench. She snapped her gaze back at him. "Have you been here?" He just shrugged. Looked almost proud of himself.

"You broke into my place while I was away?"

"I spoke to Juice, heard what you said, knew something wasn't right with you lass. He's all torn up. You've broke his heart."

"Screw you, you can't just break into my house, go through my stuff."

"Ah." His finger points towards the kitchen, "I came across THAT by mistake." He pauses, lets her process it, "is that why you broke it off with Juice?"

"None of your fucking business. Please leave." She stands up, patting herself down, glaring at him, trying to intimidate him.

"Unless you've been around, but you don't come across as that kind of lass."

"I'm not. Now leave."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm worried for you. I'm worried I'm involved in something that is much bigger than I think. Whose is it?"

It hasn't even been 2 days and he knows. She knows he knows. She bites down on her lips to stop the tears; she's not going to cry. Not again, she's sick of crying.

"I never slept with Juice. So that leaves one other person." She sits herself back down, "But I didn't sleep with him either. Not by choice anyway." She lets that linger between them, lets him know that he's partly to blame for that night. "Why didn't you stop him?"

"I couldn't."

"You could! I wouldn't have said anything; I wouldn't have spoken of Opie. You know I wouldn't have."

"You ran. He had to make a point."

"And look at his fucking point!" But he won't look at her. Instead he leans forward, placing his elbow on his knees and stares ahead.

"You can't let him find out. He can never know."

"I know that."

"But you can't leave. He will get someone to check up on you regularly. He will find out your pregnant. Wherever you go, there will be someone keeping an eye on you."

"I'll move, continuously, I won't stay in one place too long."

"It won't work."

"Then what will Chibs?! What am I supposed to do?"

"Go back to Juice."

"I can't go back to him."

"These past few weeks, I've never seen the young lad happier. There must have been something between you."

"He doesn't know what Jax did. What can I do about this?" She looks down to her stomach.

"You know what. You're not stupid Violet. Make it right." She didn't say goodbye to him when he stood up to leave. Didn't acknowledge him when he said he'd be back. She tried to imagine herself a few months ago. She never had visitors, she never had problems or conflict and she liked that.

She waited for it to get dark before setting off, even made an effort to brush her hair.

Pulling up outside his house, she could see him in the garage working on his bike. He stopped when he seen her. They didn't greet one another, they just stared before she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. He didn't pull away or deny her, so she kissed him then took his hand into her own and led him inside.


End file.
